Anyone that knows me personally knows I have lost many of my close family members and friends at young ages. Both grandfathers passed away when I was in my early teens and I lost two of my best girl friends. In 2008, I lost one of my very close friends, Bianca to suicide. Everyone that knew Bianca was in shock and very distraught for a long time. No one should ever have to lose a close friend, yet alone a friend that was only a teenager. Cortney, Bianca, and I were very close and when Bianca passed away, Cortney took it very hard. After that, we always had conversations about what she was doing in heaven and what it would be like if we still had her with us. Cortney and I always kept Bianca with us when we hung out. I loved it because it felt as if we all three were together like old times. Cortney was born with Cystic Fibrosis - a disease that causes thick, sticky mucus to build up in the lungs, digestive tract, and other areas of the body. It is one of the most common chronic lung diseases in children and young adults. It is a life-threatening disorder. Throughout my friendship with Cortney, I got used to her coughing and her treatments. What I loved about Cortney was her ability to NEVER let the disease stop her from living her life. Sure, an hour or so had to be taken out for her treatments and meds but it was just another day for Cort and her friends were used to it. 
Since the day I met Cortney I knew she was someone special God placed in my life. She taught me so much! I learned to be strong, live life to the fullest, and never regret anything. Seeing her be so strong through everything she was going through was all the power I needed to live just like her. She was an AMAZING friend, sister, daughter, niece, and grand daughter. When Cortney and I would talk about her CF, I would ask her if she was afraid of dying. She always was so open with me and responded that she wasn't scared. She would finally see Bianca again and be in peace. Every time I heard her say that I would tear up. The thought of her not being there to call when I was having a bad day or just to hear her voice or laugh was unbearable. I needed her here, she could not leave yet. She was going to be my maid of honor in my wedding, the godmother of my child, my best friend. I know, it was selfish. How could I wish for her to stay here through all the pain and the constant battle with her body? I couldn't ... it was her turn to live peacefully.
I am honored to have known such a strong, beautiful, and inspiring person and to be able to call her my best friend. I still wish I could hear her laugh, ask for her advice, or just see her but I know she is pain free and peaceful in heaven with Bianca. Someday I will see my two girls up in heaven. Until then, I will look for their continuing signs that they are with me. I will honor Cortney by naming my daughter after her. I hope my daughter can be half the amazing person that my best friend was.
I love you & miss you so much Cortney Terese!
oh.so.inspired
I thought a lot about what I could comment on this, but all I really am able to say is that you are a strong woman. I am so sorry you lost two important people in your life. After my friend Shaun passed away last month I felt so broken and lost. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to lose your best friend. But you are right, they are in a pain free, peaceful place, and your blog made me smile because I know Shaun is too. Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI am glad I could help ease your grieving with my post. It is a very hard thing to lose anyone close to you. However, we cannot control it. By all the people I have lost in my life, it has taught me to cherish the ones I still have and keep alive the spirit of the ones that are now looking over me. I have found the best way to cope with the loss of someone close is to actively keep them a part of your life. I know that some people just push everything that reminds them away and just bury the pain. I do not recommend that - it wouldn't be what they want you to do either. I recommend always talking about them as often as you can, laughing about the good times and learning from the bad, keeping any pictures or keepsakes that remind you of them around your room or house, telling your kids (if you have them) or your future family one day about how great the person was, and to talk to them directly (I know it sounds crazy) but it truly helps because you will begin to notice that they will send you signs that they are listening and are with you. For example, when I see a butterfly or the letter C randomly I know it is Cortney. I know the process is hard, but you will become a stronger person because of it. Hope this helps!
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